The task of digging through the Magick, delving into the abyss that represents the depths of our inherent darkness, is perhaps the most difficult task upon which one can embark.
Running from Self is what fuels all addiction, and the temptation to run is such a subtle little devil. It manifests in ways so seemingly benign and innocuous that we deceive ourselves into believing we are not committing an act of self-harm, but indeed we are. Even things which seem to be beneficial to us can be the devices of running from self, of self-ignorance: things such as meditation, yoga, exercise, so-called “positive” social groups, etc.
What happens is the thing which was our greatest ally for so long becomes our worst adversary on the path toward liberation. Yes, delving into the Magick will hurt; yes, you will cry, although ultimately this is what you need, what we all need. Catharsis.
I struggled with doubts, got angry, sought revenge, wanted to quit so many times.
I have cursed and been cursed. It has been fucking trying at times and still is. Perhaps the greatest challenge with Magick is to keep yourself on the Path, and when you fall, momentarily humble yourself and get back onto it.
There are many times when I disgusted with the community with the abundance of frauds, fakes, and delusional people all around, and the lazy people who think that Magick is a game, or that you can simply wave a magic wand, say few words and BOOM! The World is your oyster.
“I wanna summon this Demon” “I want this person to love me” ” I wanna be rich and famous”…. This is NOT Harry Potter –
So sick and tired, but… here is the reality.
Everything we see, everything we perceive, represents duality: to every light, there is a shadow, to experience happiness we must know sadness, to know wisdom, we must become fools, and the list goes on.
The process of growth is painful, and I accept and am thankful for the occasions in which I cry and feel pain because I grow from them and understand myself better. Pleasure, on the other hand, can distract us from our goals where we then allow ourselves to regress to our previous ways, holding on to those things that keep us from spiritual growth, hindering our magick, and keeping us from apotheosis.
If I can help just one person grow into their best and highest Self, then maybe that individual will change the world. This endeavor gives me hope and ambition.
In over 10 years of Magick, I lost my mind, felt alone, frustrated, and scared. But I was also excited, determined, and focused, and discovered something I had lacked all my life – faith. I had the Demons, realized self-love, burned sigils, read books, nourished my body, and after a long, hard week, danced naked around a fire under the moon. As I helped those around me, I became more aware, now imagining my self doing bigger and better things, and doing them.
And it all paid off – all of it.
It takes time, blood, sweat, and tears, and if you hang in there, continue in The Path, you will get what you want.